I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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