There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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