She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
