WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
