i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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