ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize