i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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