Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
