I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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