Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
