If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize