We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
