I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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