I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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