I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
