Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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