Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
