Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
