Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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