i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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