I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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