I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
