omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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