Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
