Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
