started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize