Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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