super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
