so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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