There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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