No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this hospital has no fireball
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
