I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
