I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
