Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
