they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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