I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
