what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
nutella sex= disaster
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize