Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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