His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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