Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
