oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
