yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
