He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
