with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
