Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
