i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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