my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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