Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
