just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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