ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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