I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
