I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
