if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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