i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
