i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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