I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Bring me that man meat
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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