I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
