He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
