needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
