ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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