ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
two words: eviction party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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