he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i now understand why vodka
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
