I hate all girls vehemently.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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