i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
