I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
