Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
