Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I am one with the molecules
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
