You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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