I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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