The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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