I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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