I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
